This thing

It was if time had been erased

It was like every bad thing a man did to me was removed. 

And how could this be?

Should I let my guard down?

Should I run head first into this thing…

This thing that has me floating 

This thing that has me glowing

This thing that sings melodies to my soul .

Should I let this thing carry me away like the ocean tide?

Just relax

Just let go

And let this thing envelop me…

Yea, I’ll let it envelop me.

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Community? 

I’ve been absent, but for good reason. I have been spending a lot of time, searching, purging, and getting closer to God. This first topic I would like to talk about is ‘Community’. All of us are a part of a community, most of us are a part of several. Community can  be defined as :

    2 a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

    I’ve pondered this definition  and began to analyze the communities I belong to . I realized that many of my communities are not having much success because the members don’t have the same vision/goals. I mean, ‘unity’ is in the word. Imagine going to the gym with a friend who says they want to get fit. You arrive at the gym and things start off well, but 30 mins later your friend is eating donuts and drinking pop. They say ‘trust me we’re still going to get fit.’ Would you believe them? Or would you find another partner with the same mindset?

    It amazes me, how communities will clearly see there is a foundational issue. But continue to move forward without questioning the problem. A lot of the blame goes to the leaders of these communities. They see the disturbances , but ignore them , but then become outraged  at the chaos. Or worse the leaders are the agents of chaos, and they ignore the needs of the community. To use a familiar example our  U.S. Government. No matter your political affiliation , we’ve all witnessed selfishness, manipulation,and fabrication all for the benefit of our government over the years . 

    As citizens we start to question the very statement “We the people…”. It’s more like “We the peasants  and they the rulers”. When the community looses focuses of the health and prosperity of the whole, the the community ceases to exist. Am I saying that there is one solution that will make every community member happy? Absolutely not. I am saying sometimes you have to remove the wrench in the wheel or get a new wheel! Belonging to a community involves maturity, and the knowledge that some days it’s not going to go your way, just as long as it goes the right way.

    And the right way is the way of truth, love,  and integrity. You can NEVER go wrong following that path. If a community is not walking that path, find a new one, or be the catalyst for change in that community. I personally , vote for the second.

    Confessions of a social dancer

    As a female dancer you can immediately feel if you’re welcome somewhere. The energy will feel warm or it’ll feel like an ” iron curtain”. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been the “aggressor” sending stabbing gazes and half welcoming smirks. You’re probably thinking “you’re a jerk”…and at times I sure have been.  I can’t blame the environment completely, but I will say it welcomes that type of behavior. But something happened one day and I analyzed a conversation I had just had with a dancer friend; we gossiped the entire time. 

    I immediately said to myself, “This is not who you’re meant to be”. As easy as I thought it’d be to change my mindset and leave the gossiping, divatude behind , I realized that for the past few years I literally had allowed myself to be groomed into this type of person. When drama arose, I often didn’t offer a solution, I picked a side and joined the chaos. If a new girl came on the scene I’d most likely be with a small group of women analyzing if this chick is friend or foe ( without EVER talking to her). I had become what I always loathed, but never actually prepared myself not to be; a prideful woman.

    Several things occurred that caused me to pull away from the dance scene. Many people thought I was just a ‘B’…but it’s the only way I knew how to protect myself from continuing and getting sucked into more drama. Eventually I had to stop dancing altogether to begin a transformative process from the inside out. That’s where Brazikian zouk came in, and showed me that family, community, and peace do exist on the dance floor.

    Now I’m on a new mission to impact every person I meet on the floor with a deep love, not just kindness, a Christ like love , that should’ve been present all along. I want to be a supporter/encourager of my fellow female dancers, not apart of the “Hater squad” …and I’m breaking away from women who bash (anyone actually) another’s looks, skills,etc. And yes, I’ll still get hate for that, but at least it’ll be for the right reasons.

    I’m still growing, and learning. But I’m making every effort to leave people and places better than I found them.

    Pinterest cooking

    So here’s my first cooking with pinterest post! I used a recipe, but altered many of the instructions ( I had thin sliced chicken breasts that needed to be cooked) . I used a crockpot, substituted ground garlic for garlic cloves .
    The first picture shows the ingredients I used, the second is the Pinterest recipe where I drew my inspiration.

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    4 thin sliced chicken breasts
    2 tbs garlic
    1tbps honey
    Lime juice to taste
    1 tbs black pepper
    1 tbs chili powder
    4 oz mild salsa
    1 tbs olive oil

    Mix all ingredients together. If you’re like me and want a little more kick add more spicy (I did that after it cooked in the crockpot)

    Place breasts in crockpot and add sauce mixture.

    Cook Time (low) – roughly 4.5-5 hrs
    (Depending on your slow cooker it may be shorter or longer. Check occasionally)

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    That is the finished product (above) ! It was good. I personally believe it would be yummier in the stove. And it definitely tasted better as leftovers (the juices really marinated in the chicken) . So if any of you tries this with any twists and in the stove please share with me! I love ideas and getting crrative! Lol!

    Quick question for you…

    So I’ve been thinking about doing a ‘cooking with pinterest ‘ post once a month and then sharing my triumphs and or culinary catastrophies… ha! But I was thinking it would be cool to also get pinterest Cooking suggestions from other people who may randomly come across my blog! The only catch is recipes have to be dairy-free and almond free or easily converted to dairy-free recipe. What do you think? I seriously want input.  Thanks in advance!

    Beyond the curved lines

    Let’s talk about curves! The good the bad and the not so pretty side of curves. I happen to be a curvy woman. I love curves! There was a time where I would do anything to hide my curvy hips to avoid the demeaning catcalls. Contrary to what a lot of people think when I begin to talk about my struggles with my body, my love of my curves did not come from the Kardashian “revolution” (I honestly credit Halle Berry working that orange bikini!!)
    I recently started thinking about all the attention curves are getting these days or at least the booty. Please understand, I think woman should love their bodies, but we should be more cognizant of how we display them. I thought back to an article I read about Saartije “Sarah ” Baartman. The African woman who was exploited for her large buttocks in the 1800s. I wondered what would she think of all these women who mostly post pictures of their waist down? Would she be happy women could make their own choices on how their bodies could be displayed? Or would she be sad that exploitation has a new face and its called social media?
    We can only speculate.
    Our bodies are precious. Crafted for excellence, not degradation. As my father and numerous men have said ‘leave something for the imagination ‘. And no, this won’t solve the problem of women being objectified, but maybe it’ll put a small dent. Lets do it for Saartije.
    More curve talk to come…

    In search of happy

    The last few months have been challenging, frustrating, and at times emotionally overwhelming. But nevertheless God is still good. There are times however, that God is shaking things up because its time to make moves. To give you a brief idea what’s going on I can no longer do the thing I love in my own city. Maybe things will change, but I’ve been saying that and things have only gotten worse.
    You might be thinking, “why doesn’t she just find a new hobby? “. I think for anyone that loves something can understand that feeling when you have to stop doing it or have it taken away. Take that feeling and add to the fact that I live in a city where there isn’t a lot of variety (and almost every place reminds me of my ex).
    I’ve been in search of “happy “, but its been aloof in my hometown. I’m making due; but the heaviness of this place can be a little much. So until God shows me my new direction, I’ll continue to look for “happy “. And maybe, just maybe it’ll surprise me.

    Battlefield :Mind

    As a woman I hear a lot of men say ‘women, you guys are always in your head! You gotta calm down (they laugh) ‘. And they’re right, I like many, but certainly not all women are constantly in our minds, thinking about random things, insignificant things, major things ; at the same time!
    To be honest I wish my imagination wasn’t so wild (I’ve created so much unnecessary UNNECESSARY stress, thinking about the what ifs in life. I’ve wasted time, and yet I still find myself repeating old patterns. Why?
    I figured out its because I have decided that I won’t forgive myself for things. How could a Christian do some of the things and say some of the things I have? What kind of human am I? How can anyone respect someone who seems to dance outside of their own standards every once in awhile? Why am I trying to be God with myself?
    Truth is at 30,I hadn’t realized I had put myself on very shaky ground. I wanted so much to be the best Christian, I believed that o should be able to things without God (read that nonsense again lol)! Ir you know anything about Christianity, the goal is to surrender yourself (body, mind, spirit, life) to the Lord. But somewhere along the way I thought being faithful meant impressing God.
    I don’t know when, but suddenly I could hear a voice saying ‘you’re such an embarrassment to God. YOU can do better ‘.
    Sidenote :be careful who you share you struggles with (Christian and non-Christian), because the enemy will use any willing person to attack you.
    Small things like being late to work or a random ratchet hip hop song from high-school  coming across my mind began to make me feel like I was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I kept thinking ‘YOU van froyo better! What’s wrong with you?! ‘ Then everyday I found myself digging up old stuff ; drunken nights, sexual abuse, premarital sex, gossiping, lies, depression, pride, the list goes on…things I’ve already been forgiven of, but couldn’t shake. Stuff I was internalizing because ‘I should be strong enough in the faith, to deal with this by myself right?! ‘
    God is good and loving, and He knows we’re a hot mess! And he saw my struggles and he sent messengers my way. People who shared their dark past with me and their struggle to find peace. He sent sermon after sermon that declared that security is only found in Christ ;where my worth and hope lye! Over these last few weeks God has been pitting out the junk and lies the enemy had been feeding me as well as the ones I feed myself. I can finally say that I’m no longer working to please God, I’m simply giving back everything He’s so lovingly given me! I’m free and I feel better and stronger every day. Yea, I still catch some wandering thoughts every now and again, but I remind myself that I am a Divine masterpiece! I just want to say to any of my brothers and sisters in Christ struggling with something, let Jesus fix it! Let Him heal, and allow Him to send you help in whatever form it comes. Perfection is NOT reality, but Salvation is! Keep your head up!!

    In tune

    As the music plays the notes wrap themselves around my body.
    They whisper in my ears
    Rub my shoulders
    Wrap my waist
    Caress my hips
    Then slither down my legs to my toes
    The music and I are one
    Suddenly the air I breathe is rhythm
    And every gesture I make is a dance
    The music in me
    And me in the music
    We are in tune
    We are in tune

    Tired

    I’m tired. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’m tired of people not understanding I’m human. I’m tired of people not being able to say ‘I’m sorry ‘.